You drink a bottle of vodka yourself because you got into a fight with him. You were seeing quadruple seconds before it all went black. You wake up smelling vodka and vomit, and you see your friends’ faces painted with concern as they tell you what happened. You’re nervous.
You jump in bed with a boy because you’re lonely. He fills you head with false hope. You fall halfway in love when his fingers graze your scars. It’s December and the ground is as frozen as your heart, that is, until he you see the way he looks into your eyes. They burn into yours and you swear there’s something there. He takes you home and soon after, he stops talking to you. You’re heartbroken.
You start getting high again because you want to forget about the bullshit for a while. You can’t help but crave that light feeling, the tingling in your head and body. You’re sneaking around and praying you don’t get caught. But part of you wishes you would, just because at least you’ll feel something other than numb.
It’s summer and you’re smoking cigarettes and sending boys naked pictures because it’s nice to pretend that you’re wanted for at least a little while. You wake up in the morning tasting regret in your mouth. Your head is spinning and you’re cursing yourself for being so stupid. You keep at it though because for a moment, you feel attractive. And that’s all you ever wanted.
Your head is foggy and your stomach is in knots. Summer is over and you’re thrust out into the world of life after high school. You pretend you have it all figured out, when in reality, you’re questioning everything. Your whole existence. You’re a mess. A wreck of epic proportion. Thinking about the future has you in tears because you don’t know if you can achieve your dreams. You’re terrified."